Countdown to Capturing Joy

We are one week away. This time next week, our bags will be checked in and we will be waiting to board the first leg of an incredibly long journey to go get our girl. 
Tensions have been a little high and anxiety has taken its toll. That can happen when you feel like certain things are falling apart just weeks before travel.
Thursday I had a nice big breakdown as I contemplated leaving my precious 3 year old for 12 days. Don't get me wrong, I will miss my boys but she is so little however I have to remember she is also resilient. And, she will be in THE best care on the planet. 
The anxiety attack was also attached to my insane fear of flying. You know, being 38,000 feet in the air in a metal tube for 13 hours with no way out! Yeah, that!
BUT GOD. Did you know I would say that? Its kind of my mantra. We couldn't have gotten to this point...again without Him and all of you. Huge THANK YOU!!!

Quick fundraising update: we hosted a Cut-a Thon at the very end of February raising just over $1500!!! It was insane. People are amazing. We had four stylists that worked their butts off for three hours cutting away to bring this girl home. We also had handmade crafts donated and my friend, Laurie and I worked for 3 weeks making as much jewelry as we could. It was a HUGE success. 
Since then donations have still come in very regularly meeting us right when we need it. After buying our tickets, for instance, we had a friend of ours pay to upgrade us to economy plus on our long legs. There aren't enough words to say thank you for that blessing. 

The girls' room is just about finished. Today we will be adding the finishing touches and then the fun begins...packing! Can you hear the sarcasm?
I spent most of last night googling packing tips, traveling tips etc. I found things like "How to survive an international flight in coach" or "8 things you never pack but should" and even "How to pack 30 outfits into your carry on". They made me laugh but I did take away some little nuggets of wisdom. Like one recommendation to get a lot of exercise the day before an international flight. Makes total sense and I will definitely be doing that. Or another that said rolling your clothes takes less space than folding. Whatever works right?

About Joy. She is amazing. In the last 2 weeks we have received a host of new updates. Pictures and videos that have reinforced to us she does indeed know what is about to take place. And even though she is terribly sad she is also very ready to have, in her own words, "her own mama and baba". It truly warms and saddens my heart all at the same time. 
We also learned she has never called anyone mama...ever! She calls her foster mother moo-moo (not sure of spelling) which is Chinese for "older Auntie". My heart broke when I learned of this and I consider it a sacred thing if she chooses to call me "mama". 

Joy with her foster sister

Her foster family

 

Our sweet Joy.

Prayer requests. For our family in general. For the boys while we are gone. My Aunt Holly will be coming to stay with them which basically means one big party. She is amazing. So thankful for her presence in our lives. 
Our girl. She will be with her Nai Nai the first part and then with our really good family friends, The Teagues the second part. She will be loved and spoiled in both homes but just pray her little heart has the understanding she needs. 
For Brian: he has a lot of stress while preparing to leave for 12 days that just adds to his normal stress at his job in general. He bears the brunt of our adoption paperwork and now adding a 13 year old girl to his life. This is a man who has less knowledge than I do about girls, having been raised with 3 brothers.
For me: the anxiety I deal with is under control most of the time (thank you Jesus) but can be triggered when I least expect it (this is what happened on Thursday). I am thankful that through it I am leaning on Jesus and not myself and also thankful for people who pray. 
For the trip: Our travel time getting there is 35 hours with a 7 HOUR layover in Beijing. Please pray for smooth travel. But most of all that we can sleep on the long leg. We were unable to do so last time which made everything 100 times worse. Pray for our health, that it will remain intact and we will keep our joy throughout the journey no matter the trials we face. The JOY of the LORD WILL be our strength.
Please pray for our time in country, especially the time we will spend in her province. Joy has requested she be given the chance to go and say good bye once again to her foster family and to return to her school to take pictures and say good bye. Of course we will oblige her in whatever she wants. We recognize this is a massive undertaking and want to be sensitive to her needs. 
For Joy: her heart and mind. Pray that even now, God is preparing her heart to not only receive us and to bond with us but also to eventually receive His love and grace. Our biggest prayer is she be adopted a second time into His family. That is more important than anything we could ever do for her.

I think that is all for now. Once again, we want to say we are so thankful for all of your support and encouragement along the way. Please book mark this page and watch our journey unfold while we are there. 
Blessings.

Fifty Shades of Grey

400 million people have watched and according to USA Today Fifty Shades of Grey is still dominating at the box office.

Are those 400 million really going for the amazing story line? I think not.

Would I be lying if I said my interest wasn't piqued? Yes I would be. Of course it interests me.  I mean what woman wouldn't want to watch some relatively harmless (if you compare to porn) scenes to possibly liven up her own sex life?

I haven't read the books and I will never see the movie(s). I don't need to read or watch to know what the basic premise is.

And I have one question for the 400 million men and women who have watched this movie: would you want your son or daughter to be either one of these characters? I know I wouldn't. So if you wouldn't either why is it OK to watch a movie where someones son or daughter is portraying this. And while it is easy to sit back and say "well its only a movie, or its not even real" allow me to enlighten you; IT IS REAL!

It happens every day all over our world. Have you heard of sex trafficking?
"OK, you say but this was a consensual relationship." AND? That makes it OK? That this gorgeous billionaire takes a young innocent virgin and takes advantage of her in order to fulfill his sick fantasies that were birthed as a result of an abusive childhood. Do you know what happens to virgins in the sex trafficking industry? They are sold to businessmen who believe it to be good luck to have sex with virgins (click here to read more) then sold to brothels to be further exploited. Not unlike Christian Grey I'm afraid. He basically did the same thing, but because of his money and power did not actually purchase her just manipulated her for his own gain.

Take the same troubled childhood, and sick fantasies and add those to a relatively broke not-so-nice-to-look-at guy without a penthouse in the sky and he will find himself in jail in about 2.5 seconds and labeled a sex offender ruining the rest of his life.

How about all the followers of Christ reading the books or watching this movie? This is not about judgement or being holier than tho. After all I just admitted my interest IS piqued. But I choose not to indulge.
And here is why.
The Bible says, "To not look with approval on anything that is vile." Psalm 101:3 Would reading these books or watching this movie be considered vile? I am just wondering how someone can justify either one based on scripture alone? Much less common sense.

If you disagree please don't be shy, comment?

Explain to me how you would feel about your son or daughter being Christian or Anastasia?

Brian's additional guest Post:

Sorry folks I could not help but add my two cents here.

As someone who has seen and experienced first hand the trail of destruction pornography leaves, I will say I am shocked at the number of women who regard the books and this movie as "good".

As someone who preforms weddings, I would never expect to see any women agree to Christian's contract, devised by Christian’s lawyer, consenting to become his submissive (or “sub”), ceding control over her body, diet, hygiene, sleep, and wardrobe, and stipulating her tolerance for various sexual acts and accessories (manacles, hot wax, genital clamps, etc.). Imagine during your wedding ceremony if the grooms vows were not present and the brides were; "I vow to cede control of my body, diet, hygiene, sleep, wardrobe and will tolerate any form of sexual act presented at anytime, I guarantee you would see brides running off the alter and some grooms being laid out!

I see this simply as sick fantasy no more than a female version of Penthouse forum which I disagree with as well. The major difference is this has become mainstream and somehow accepted?

The problem stems from our society today, we have become a society of self. Are needs and desires are put before everyone and everything else whether it is morals or someone else's well being and until our society stops looking inward and starts looking outward and truly to God the problem will continue to get worse and those of you today who don't really see this as a big deal will be the ones who will be caught off guard later in life by it, unfortunately it will probably be too late.

Albert Pike once said,

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

Searching for logic

As I checked my email for hundredth time, I sighed when nothing new popped up. What was I even waiting for? Less than 24 hours ago I submitted a third letter to our daughter in China and some new questions for the social worker there. I know they have to have time to translate and get it sent, I know they (our agency) are in the middle of moving to a new office, and I know, because of past times they say to give it a minimum of 3 days. 
I'm looking for answers to my questions but I am not really sure I want them. We have asked several times for them to ensure that someone, anyone has really and truly and thoroughly explained to her why she cannot stay where she is. We do not feel that has been done. Why does it matter?
For weeks I have been wrestling with this whole adopting an older child, a child specifically who is aging out of the system. I have been trying to wrap my head around it, and every time I try, I hit a wall.
I am a logical person. I am all about 2 and 2 making 4 and when they don't I just struggle. I like it when things make sense. 
This adoption of a child so old makes no sense. 
Now, before you freak out and question why I would pursue this or even go down this road, make no mistake I have no doubts we are supposed to do this. 

But think about it for minute. A family you have lived with for over 10 years has called you their daughter and you have referred to them as your mother, brother and sister, has told you they love you, have cared for you, seen you through surgery and sickness, have sent you to the best school and now...sorry, time to move on. What?!
OK, I get it, its China. They make their own rules, they always have. But these kids didn't decide to be orphans. They didn't choose to be born with cleft lip/palate, facial birthmarks, heart defects etc. They didn't choose abandonment and rejection from their birth parents. So how is it the Chinese Government deems them second class citizens? How are they the lowest of the low? It should be the opposite. As I write my heart and soul are so heavy. Its been this way for weeks. 
Oh sure we have heard from our girl on the other side of the world. She is sad to leave all she's ever known but thankful for a forever family. 
But what is going on inside of her heart and her head. How is she reconciling that all she has ever known is about to be ripped away from her in a matter of weeks. To move to the other side of the world and live with a family who, let's face it, look great in pictures and videos but she doesn't know us. She doesn't look like us, well, maybe one of us. 
I can't imagine the frustration and pain in her heart as I am sure she must question "why wouldn't you keep me? I'm a good girl, I do well in school, I do my chores and homework and do as I am told".
Can you even imagine for one second? This whole situation, this whole aging out system is so illogical. It makes no sense to rip a child away at 13 years old. What makes sense is to leave them where they are (if that is what they truly want) and pay for them to go to school and then college and help them have a future. At least here in the states a foster child leaving high school is guaranteed help with their studies. In China, there is no help for these kids. At 14 they are sent out of foster care and back to the local orphanage and by 16 or 18 they are on their own. No education and worst of all no chance to get one. They don't have money or family. They have NO ONE to fall back on. The statistics are sad at just how many end up on the streets and you can only imagine what happens then.
So great! We save one. ONE! It sounds so pathetic when said that way. And I am thankful. Thankful for the chance to do this. But it is not enough. It isn't near enough. And ultimately I just have to choose trust because God isn't about logic and everything making sense all the time is He? Otherwise there would be no need for faith.
So, even though I am sick of fundraising and begging people for money, and I hate to fly and I really don't care for Chinese anything (minus my kids) I know in my heart this isn't the end. And well, you people that we are so blessed to do life with and call friends...you better hang on because God is moving and this is only the beginning.

Blessings.

Living in the Land of "What If"

Where are you from is a common question everywhere I've lived. Since leaving Canada at age 12 its painfully obvious, pretty much everywhere I've moved that I am not from where I am currently living.
However, as obvious as that might be, where I actually live is not the state I currently reside.

For I am living in the land of "What If". Are you familiar with this place? Perhaps you also live here. I have a couple of friends that abide here with me. I have lived here for the better part of my life and I am so sick of this place. Sadly, I feel as if there is no picking up and moving on. I feel very stuck here in the land of What If. Its somewhat comfortable, familiar. But its also draining. The truth is, living in the land of what if is nothing more than worrying about what will probably never be or about most if not all of the things I cannot control. Living in sin. Why is it sin? Because Jesus said to "not worry about anything, NOT TOMORROW, not what we eat, drink or wear". He said to "cast our cares on Him because he cares for us". He said to "look at the birds of the sky and the lilies of the field, they neither sow nor reap yet your heavenly Father takes care of them". See 1 Peter 5:7 Matt. 6:25

This adoption, more than JG's has me playing the "what if" game. What if...she hates us...what if she doesn't want to come home with us...what if she has had some really bad stuff happen while in Foster Care...what if the plane crashes? On and on to the point of exhaustion. The what if game has me, in my mind, guessing every single possible scenario in only one direction...the negative one.

What about the land of promise? This is believing in and standing on God's promises and recognizing that while things will not always be perfect (in fact far from it most of the time) His promises are still true and trusting in His ways (which are higher than our ways) bring so much peace.

I encourage you today (as I also encourage and challenge myself) to get up move out of the land of What if and into God's promised land. Its not going to be easy or comfortable most of the time but the peace that carries you as you walk through it is well worth the journey.

A CUT FOR LOVE HAIR CUT FUNDRAISER- PLEASE SIGN UP BELOW!!!

We are definitely in the final weeks of preparation and both of our heads are spinning as we scramble to pull everything together.

In an effort to raise the final funds needed we are hosting our last fundraiser. 

So come on out and support us by getting a wet or dry cut from one of our four amazing stylists/barber's who between them have more than 40 years experience. 

Sunday Feb. 22nd 12-3

Minimum donation $10

To secure your spot and the stylist/barber of your choice please click the link below and also please share with everyone you meet. In the event we have more interest we can always secure another stylist/barber. 

CLICK HERE

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT!!!!

The Most Precious Update and LOA!!

Waiting this time around, as I've mentioned before, has been very different. While we waited for JG, the anticipation wasn't as high since she was barely out of baby hood. Our newest "arrival" will be 13! Quite the difference indeed.
From the beginning of this second adoption there have only been 2 things we have been waiting with baited breath to hear; "yes, we have told your daughter about you" and all the feedback that comes with that.
It feels like its taken forever to get to that point but Wednesday night we finally got "the" call. We've been harassing them almost daily and had a moment here and there of frustration wondering what was taking so long.
Monday evening at approximately 6:30pm (Monday 6:30am our time) the case worker, Jane, took the photo book to our daughter. She recorded her for almost 2 minutes studying the pictures and her reactions were most amazing. At one point she got so excited and although I don't understand Chinese it sounded like she was saying "come here, come here, come here" to her foster mom and sister. They both indulged her and came running. They were all pointing to a specific picture and talking very excitedly. We looked and looked and went back and forth several times and figured out it was the picture we had taken of JG holding the framed picture of Joy. She was beaming. It was so precious. After watching the video several more times and looking at the 4 pictures that came with it I read the report Jane wrote after the visit. It made me laugh and cry. Here is a brief synopsis of that report.
Joy was surprised to see her picture on the cover of the photo book and kept repeating to herself "I am ugly, I am ugly". I was crushed. Jane quickly told her how pretty she was and she smiled. She asked why we all had blue eyes (Jared and Jack are the only ones with blue eyes). Jane then explained the adoption process to her and that we would be there very soon to bring her home. She asked Jane if she would be able to call her foster mom after she's adopted. She became very sad at this point in the discussion and began to cry. I can't personally imagine the heartbreak, fear of the unknown, not just leaving your foster family but the only country you've ever known for 13 years. A whole new language, new smells, new sights and sounds completely unfamiliar. WOW, it blows the mind. Joy seemed happy about sharing a room with JG and was happy there were Chinese paintings on the wall and was told she could hang her own paintings in the room also. Have I mentioned she's an artist? Oh, and it turns out she is learning English in school but it will be minimal at best.

We have begun room rearrangement. We found a loft bed on craigslist that also has shelves and a desk, we just need a mattress. With a little help from my friend Valerie we gutted JG's closet to make room for Joy. She has already been blessed with a plethora of clothes (thanks to my good friend Sandy) so we separated them into seasons and put a tote in the attic for future use. I feel like I am babbling.

We submitted 2 sets of questions back to the agency within the last week, one of which requested an estimated timeline for travel. As things stand now, we will most likely travel at the end of April. Obviously, we are hoping it is sooner but God's timing is the only one we are interested in so trusting in that is fine.
Here's where we are financially: any day now they will send us a bill for $13,500.00 which is our agency fee. $7,000 of that goes directly to the orphanage in her province. There is still a lot to get Joy since we have been told she might come with a small back pack but most likely just the clothes on her back.

UPDATE:
Last night our agency called to say we received our LOA which is our letter of acceptance. This is the official approval of the Chinese Gov for us to adopt our daughter. We were shocked! I told Brian at dinner time that I had checked my email a hundred times that day looking for it. Dinner was barely over when the call came in. I literally jumped for Joy. Pun intended. :)
Brian sprang into action as the next three steps are on our side. And the final two steps are China. All will happen very quickly and if things all go smoothly and without incident it is reasonable to believe we will travel in March.
My mind began going a hundred miles a minute thinking of all the things that still need to be done and all the money that still needs to come in. We still need $18,000 to finish this adoption. Truthfully, as daunting as that number is I know its not too big for God. This was His idea so His provision will be there. And He is never early and He is never late. Trusting HIM completely.
If you feel led to give, please see the side bar for our You Caring account. Also, if you would please consider sharing this with anyone you can think of. Every penny helps, no matter how small.

Thank you for being on our second journey of hope. We could never do it without your support.

Blessings.

Grief at Christmas Time

Christmas is by the far THE most beautiful time of the year. The lights, the music, the trees and all the decorations. The food, family, friends and parties. Everyone is a little nicer from Thanksgiving to Jan 1 and for a very small amount of time its easy to forget all the problems going on in the rest of the world or even in your own little corner.
However, for some, Christmas time isn't the most beautiful time. For some it is filled with pain and loneliness. For some it is a horrible reminder of what once was, never to be again. For some it is completely void of family, friends, money, presents or happiness.

This Christmas season our family has been dealt the hand of grief when we learned just a week ago that Brian's father passed away. As we made travel arrangements for the trip to Chicago I observed the look of sadness in my husbands eyes. I could sense his heaviness as he poured over his father's eulogy, the very one he himself would deliver just 2 days later at the service. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for him. I prayed and prayed for God to comfort him. That he would find just the right words to speak of his father's 68 years on this earth. I know the task weighed heavily on his shoulders and yet when the time came he delivered it with grace. The pain of watching him choke through several sentences will stay with me forever. The inability to take away someone's pain is haunting.

When I lost my mom 11 years ago I'll never forget that first Christmas and the pain that was. The horrible feeling of realization that I would never again spend another one with her. And now that sadness has descended upon my husband. While he and his father weren't close per se, he was still his father. They spoke somewhat regularly and facing the fact that he will never be able to speak to him again is, I know, a painful feeling. Its a strange concept and one that your heart and mind takes a while to come to grips with. How I wish I could ease his pain. Oh how my heart breaks knowing the road of grief that must be traveled and how I cannot speed it up or make it go away altogether.
How we hate to see the ones we love hurt and yet this life, unfortunately, will always give way to pain and sadness. But God...
God sent His son and no he wasn't born on Christmas Day but I think of Mary and how Jesus' birth had to be one mixed with joy and grief. Jesus was born to die for sins of the people of this world. I can't imagine for one minute that the weight her Son would have to carry didn't cross her mind on the day she gave Him life. She gave Him life so He could save hers, and yours and mine.
And so whatever grief you may be feeling during this Christmas season allow your Heavenly Father to fill your heart with Joy, after all, that is why He came. I'm not saying you have to be happy, you may not have one thing to "feel" happy about but you can always choose Joy because Joy is a fruit of the spirit and we can have it and choose it because we know what Jesus did for us on that cross. Because we know that joy comes from knowing our Heavenly Father LOVES US and when we ABIDE in HIM our JOY may be FULL or complete. See John 15:8-11

CHOOSE JOY AND I PROMISE YOU CAN HAVE A 

MERRY CHRISTMAS.