Capturing Joy ~ An Update

Here goes with a second attempt at an update since I erased the first one somehow. Frustrated doesn't even begin to explain how I feel right now. Today has been highly emotional, oh please, who am I kidding, this whole trip has been difficult from the onset. Not losing my joy, however small it might be. That is my strength, although I won't lie, I am not drawing from it like I should.

Tuesday met us with little to no sleep the night before. I am sure the time change coupled with nerves/excitement over what was about to happen were to blame. We met our guide, Jane at 930 and headed to the civil affairs office which, thankfully was only 10 minutes away. After a brief wait, we were shown to an office and then just like that, Joy was there. It was crazy. It took me back to meeting JG for the first time. For months and months they are just a face in a picture or video and suddenly there they are in the flesh. Sadly, there are no pictures or video of our first meeting but it was very surprising. I could tell she was shy but without hesitation she came over and hugged both me and Brian (not sure if she was prompted or not). We were shocked. I had asked Jane earlier about hugging her and she said I should give her some time which I completely agreed with. The last thing I want to do is overwhelm her. The rest of Tuesday was filled with interviews, more paperwork and finally back to the hotel for some down time. There were no words for just how exhausted we both were.

Wednesday found us without a guide which would have been completely overwhelming had we not figured out how to use the translating device. Our girl is much smarter than we are and that device is a complete life saver. Luckily she is willing to learn and already knows how to say "OK, thank you, I love you (which she says a lot), sorry, please and Yes". My favorite is "mommy". She says it anytime she hands me the device to read or when she comes out or goes in somewhere. Mommy, mommy, mommy. Its cute. She will need a lot of speech therapy but before that can even help her she will need surgery to begin correcting what should have probably been corrected a long time ago. Anyway, we shopped all day Wednesday and had so much fun doing it. She is not easy to buy for though. She has come from such poverty that she tells us everything is too expensive or that she doesn't need it. Except this couldn't be further from the truth. She came to us with the clothes on her back, 2 t-shirts and an extra pair of shoes. It is truly eye opening for me. And while I am thankful she doesn't want to take advantage of her "rich" American parents I do want to convey to her its OK to have what you need.
While in a book store I found an English speaking associate who was able to help my daughter choose some books. I had the girl explain we have a looooooong trip home and she will need something to read. We bought her the first three Harry Potter books which she was excited about. 

This was the most interesting way I've ever seen someone eat a sandwich.

Yes! We shopped at the GAP in China. Don't judge. Mama needed familiar.

Enjoying her favorite food.

The round building is our hotel.

Today was the day that brought the most joy and the most heartbreak. It was the day that I originally resisted the most. Meeting her foster family. This is the family who have raised her since she was 3 years old.
As we made our way through the back alley I felt a lump rise in my throat which I forced back. I knew this was necessary. The foster mom and sister met us at the bottom of the stairs and the excitement when they all saw each other was priceless and precious. The foster mom can't be more than 4'11 but she is a pistol. So much energy and such a happy personality. We made our way up the four flights of stairs and were all out of breath at the top. The foster mom's sister and her daughter were also there. They were all so welcoming, it was truly wonderful. They served us warm water (a cultural thing) and sliced pears. They all talked a mile a minute, over each other and very loudly. I would fit in with the Chinese for sure in that arena. And there was lots of laughter. It was such a beautiful reunion. Lots of hugging. It was evident that her foster sister was struggling the whole time. Her eyes were red and constantly seemed to be brimming with tears. Understandably, since they were together since toddler hood. Joy's little foster brother was quite smitten with Brian and especially all the cameras. Joy even let him take pictures with the camera we gave her. I can't even imagine how funny those pictures will look. We all took lots of pictures and we gave them the gifts we brought. The foster sister even allowed me to put on the necklace we got for her, which she loved. We got to see the bedroom that she shared with her foster mother, sister and foster brother. One room that is smaller than my master bedroom closet. Through the interpreter they talked to us a lot. They told us how smart and capable Joy is. What a good and easy going child she is. How they are so happy she has this chance to have a better life, to go to college and have a great future. The foster mother also jokingly asked if we could find her daughter a nice American boy to marry. Brian then said, "of course. And we will find you one too". She got a big kick out of that. They kept thanking us and saying how kind we are. It was overwhelming. They told us how beautiful our children are and how nice our house is. As I looked around, I couldn't help but silently repent for every complaint I had ever voiced. As we stood up to leave the emotional dam broke and everyone started crying. It was more than we could handle and we started to cry too. As I passed around the Kleenex we promised to take good care of her and love her forever. We hugged everyone and said our final goodbyes. As we made our way down the stairs all I could think about was my kids, and then I lost it again. She has loved this little girl as her own but because there is nothing better for her as an orphan she is doing the right thing by letting her go. I can't imagine her heartbreak.

 

 

I would love to share more pictures but this has literally taken me 3 hours to write because the Internet is so terrible over here.
One more thing to add though. I am truly thankful how well this has gone. Joy did not shed one tear leaving her foster family today and we think it is because she has already done so much grieving over the past few months before we even got here. Our guide told us that every time she would visit and they would talk about it she would cry so hard. It is possible she has been processing it for a while now and acceptance is here now that we are. I have read more than my fair share of stories where it wasn't even half this good so I know how blessed we are. I also know this is only the beginning and the honeymoon won't last forever. Lets face it, this isn't how it was supposed to be for her. In a perfect world she would be living with the parents who gave her life. But instead has faced more heartbreak in 13 years than most of us will experience in a life time. And while she is very happy and smiling it doesn't mean she isn't horribly uncomfortable. I know I am. I am completely out of my comfort zone. But GOD...He is bigger than all I feel and all I see that isn't right. My heart is broken in 2 at all the hundreds of thousands of children around the world who aren't given the chance that we are giving Joy. I implore you, get involved with orphan care. Know that God doesn't ask you to, HE COMMANDS you to. You who are reading this live privileged lives, you can DO SOMETHING. Even if its small. It isn't small to someone like Joy. I know how insurmountable it is. But I also know God is bigger. We raised $60,000 in less than 5 years to bring these girl's home. A little bit, is a little bit that these kids didn't have before. See the bigger picture. Stop making excuses and put your money where your mouth is. For where your money is there is your heart. What does your heart beat for? Yourself, your wants, your desires, or God's, His wants, His desires. And if you aren't sure, then get on your knees. I promise if you are really seeking Him, He has the power to change your desires to line up with His. And trust me, once He gets a hold of your heart, you won't even be able to remember what your selfish desires were. End of rant. :)

We love you all and are so thankful you joined us on this journey.

Oh and a message from Joy. "I am so excited to see you all and meet you all."

Blessings.